Truth Sessions: Friendship

Casting all your anxieties ON HIM, because HE cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 ESV

Best friends forever

Almost exactly a year ago, I had one of the hardest conversations of my life. That morning, I woke up with a best friend, and that night I pulled the sheets over my eyes without one. As with grief from an actual death, the ensuing months were marked by the well documented phases: Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It defies rationality that, as a full-blown adult lover of Jesus–whose heart is to help lead women out of their suffering and into freedom–I could lose my person.  But, make no mistake, I was not simply a victim. I was a participant. And, in that, I have both responsibility to accept and hurt to heal.

But, quietly, I gave up much more than that. Worn-through in the aftermath, the enemy encamped himself on ground ceded by me with barely a fight. In this retreat, walls of protection went up, and my bff capacity diminished in the battle.  

And here’s the kicker: with a powerful, calculated blow, the enemy not only hijacked my precious gift from the Father, but he also reversed the formula. He will gather what the Lord orchestrated for your good and will deceitfully use it to silence, harm and defeat you. His plans against us are not new. But they are effective.

The imperfect relationship record

To be sure, we all empathize with broken relationships.  Whether you were betrayed, misunderstood or sabotaged. Whether you were wrong, jealous, or cruel.  There are people, even decades later, who return to our mind with a pinging frequency. We’ve experienced the loss of many kinds of friendships: childhood loved ones, church friends, family members, best friends, spouses and more.  It’s an epidemic and it’s not a coincidence.

Why is this? We are built for and crave community because it will cause us to flourish in ways not possible in isolation.  Friendships are among the most beautiful and powerful of God’s implements to care for our needs and multiply his provision–the planned impact of His people acting as a unified body.

We search

Whether our desire is a single soulmate or a contact list of optionality for any given night, we want to be seen, understood and valued. And satan uses that to his advantage. When we have people who believe in us and champion our hearts–scheming with us towards greatness–we become a dangerous problem for him and, therefore, the bullseye of his target.

Women are particularly vulnerable here. We dive fast and deep. It’s the adrenaline of an incredible new introduction. The kind where we immediately have everything in common. Finding someone who is as invested in us as we are in them is like a drug.  And we crave the hits. The immediate gratification from the sharing, to the encouraging and commiserating:

• Here’s everything that ever happened to me in High School.  
• Every guy I ever kissed.
• Every hurt I’ve ever weathered.
• Every dream I’ve ever dreamt.
• Every every I’ve ever everied.  

And they love it all. Hang on your words, and you, equally, on theirs.  Over and over you absorb the high of the exchange. Blissfully grateful because you are understood, adored and, naturally, totally hilarious.

The rub comes when the highs wear off and the demands of life catch up with the conversation.  Our valuable need for community is counterfeited by the enemy. Twisted.

Because, ultimately, what we crave MOST is Christ

The deeper we grow in a relationship with Him, the deeper everything else in our life begins to flourish.  And Satan knows it. He distracts us with fleeting highs and makes us dependent on friends the way we were created to be dependent on God–a toxic elixir that has the added bonus of destroying our faith in imperfect people while we lose the safety of our firm foundation in The Solid Rock.  

Undeniably, relationships will continue to be complicated.  The best ones have been complicated yet survived to see the other side (on repeat). But sometimes a door closes, and, despite every push, pull or turn, it’s not the same as it once was. When there is a particularly great loss, it’s a pang that lingers. At its core, this is a shared pattern across humanity, making it more than irony.

The antidote

Learn from it. Dive in again. Find them again. Invest in incredible people. Love on them, lean on them and uphold them.  But do not fall into the trap that replaces them with the tender, sacred space reserved for the Father. Share your heart–first–with Him.  Place your dreams in His capable hands. Share your frustrations with His healing Spirit. Allow Him to refine you and call you out, when needed. When we are rooted in Him, the complicators of this world, and the enemy who created them, simply don’t stand a chance.  

KNOW IT:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

I love the Lord, because HE has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Psalm 116:1

SAY IT:

When I am eager to keep unity with the Spirit, I will receive all the humility and gentleness and patience, to bear with others in love in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-6

Lord Help me to do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than myself. Help me to put the interests of others ahead of my own. Philippians 2:3-16

And, friends, I can’t make this tidal wave of truth wash over dry bones alone.  I need your help to spread this passion and spark the conversation. Get on Social and share this link. Some people you love are drowning in the loss of brutally broken relationships. Remind them of the community they were designed to host.

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Listen up! There are people who become weeds in your life too.  For some pruning shears see: Who Are Your People.