When You’re Holding On For Dear Life.

But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, PRAY IN THE POWER of the Holy Spirit, and AWAIT THE MERCY of our Lord Jesus Christ… Jude 1:20-21

 

A Lie:  Being a Christian makes things easier.

October 23, 2013 I felt the Lord tell me to “Be Joshua” (Read: I Got Your Back).

(That’s Heather speak for: apply Joshua’s example to your own circumstances – see: Joshua 6)

It’s OK if you don’t believe me.  I’ll still like you.  And you can call me crazy.  It won’t change any of what happened.

I believe that sometimes we should do in the natural what we want to see happen in the spiritual.  And on that Wednesday morning I began, reminiscent of what Joshua did at Jericho, to circle my block and to pray for 7 days.  My intent was to say LOUDLY & CLEARLY: Father, I belong to you.  My home, marriage, kids, and future are yours. I desperately want to be used by You.  Essentially, I was drawing a big fat line in the sand for the enemy to see.

While falling asleep on Day 2, I had this thought, “Heather Lynn, what exactly is YOUR territory?  Because you know it’s more than just the property where your house sits.”  (Read: It’s Much Bigger Than That)

I knew immediately that this commission was greater than the plot of land we call home.  And if I was going to do this, I would do it right.  So, on day 3, I started driving to my husband’s offices and to our church to walk around them as well. (somewhat covertly as I was starting to feel a wee bit crazy myself!)

On the last morning, I’d planned to walk 7 times around each location.  This meant leaving my home at 4:45am to get it all in, before my commitments began that day.  And while the timing seemed tough, it so happens, no one is at a church or work that early.  And it’s dark.  So I was able to freely do some Holy Spirit interventions around all those places.  Warfare that ultimately set things into motion in a way I never expected.

As I walked, sometimes I skipped, sometimes I cried, and sometimes I prayed so loudly and with such conviction, I feared if anyone did hear me, they’d call the police.

I still have this picture of walking in the cold, dark of night… with two massive angels flanking my back.

And then I came home.  And that was it.

Until everything fell a part.

Exactly one week later, the hardest year of our lives commenced.  I lost my church, many friends, and my character was called into question by people I’d loved and respected.  My husband, the CEO of his company, began walking through the most intensely difficult season of his career.  He worked flat-out while traveling, forgoing sleep, and fighting for survival at a pace I’m certain most humans wouldn’t have been capable of maintaining.  But it was the morning I saw him leave for work with tears in his eyes that I knew this strong man was worn, weary, and beginning to feel fearfully lost.

While church and work were falling apart, our home seemingly had a black cloud settle in over us.  One foot in front of the other.  Somedays, that was the best I could manage.  I’d like to think I’m a fighter.  And I pulled myself off the ground over and over and over, but absolutely nothing I did seemed to make a change. Nothing.

Contrary to my natural inclinations, we began digging deeper in the Lord than we ever have before.  We increased our giving dramatically.  We started praying together regularly.  Reading the Bible became my new lifeline, water to my drying spirit.  We attended church after church to find a new home.   Steve and I started swapping on-line sermons from pastors we respected with messages that delivered vision.  We made hard choices that we knew would stretch us.  We even went to London to attend a worship conference, which ultimately brought us to our knees.  (See: You might be down, but you are NOT OUT.)

And then things got … WORSE.

Face down, alone on the floor of my son’s room, I will never forget the day I begged God to remember me. (See: Well With My Soul.)  It started tears that lasted 48 hours.  I cried while picking up my kids from school, at the grocery store, alone in my house – everywhere.  There was nothing I could do to stop myself.

But gently, over and over, the Father scooped me up from this brokenness and mended me back together.  And while it was hard, we kept leaning into Him.  Trusting.  Letting go of things that were in our hearts, in hopes to find what is in His.

While emotionally we were worn thread bare, spiritually I began flexing muscles I’d never before accessed.  For the first time, I came to understand what it means to “Be built up in your most Holy Faith (as you) Pray in the Spirit everyday.” Jude 1:20.  And that one foot in front of the other turned into a swift run again.

Nothing was going right, but before our circumstances changed, we changed.  It didn’t matter anymore if our lives didn’t look the way we thought it should, for we knew who we’re called to be.  So that is who we will be.

No matter what.

14 months later, I could write a book on how – against all odds, all expectations, all indications –  everything I’d prayed for that week in October 2013 has happened.  My family/marriage is undoubtably stronger than ever.  Our home is not only our refuge, but a refuge for many others.  We have an unbelievable new church.  UNBELIEVABLE.  And we’re being welcomed into leadership opportunities there.  My husband just transitioned his company into an insane new opportunity that brings it back up to THRIVING status.  And, after 13 years of living in Europe, we are moving home to America. (We have to pause briefly here, because this is a surprise announcement – and some jaws just hit the floor).  Not only that, but our dream of keeping one foot in Europe is also becoming reality, as Steve will continue to lead his company here while representing it in the US.  It turns out that a trans-Atlantic commute is doable.

And we are equipped better than ever to do this next season well.

My husband and I are not built for “simple” and I know there is much more to Circle Like Joshua in our future, but, mark my words, we will wear our battle scars with pride.  Because God promised us breakthrough and He helped us fight our way to it.

I know you have promises, desires, purpose in your life that you are questioning right now.

FIGHT.

WORSHIP.

PRAY.

TRUST.

PERSEVERE.

His word IS truth.  Not just when you see it translated to reality, but WHEN HE SAYS IT.

Do some spiritual warfare if you dare, but don’t expect things to get easier.  Just expect things to change.  And then hold on for dear life.  Because (here’s a secret) you’re on the team that ultimately wins, and you weren’t created to stay down for long.

Joshua and I are sending you air high fives right now.  Let’s DO this!  [insert manly grunt]