Where Feet May Fail.

Lord, if it’s you, Peter replied, tell me to come to you on the water.

Matthew 14:28

 

Have you ever heard the sound of your alarm clock coming from somewhere other than your alarm clock?  You could be innocently out and about, and that evil little noise – the one that pulls you out of your blessed, cozy sleep every morning – shows up in something random like a radio commercial.  Your body gets tense, and your stomach does an involuntary sink until you snap back to reality.

My husband and I always set our alarm to a worship song.  We pick something that starts nice and quietly so we aren’t jolted out of bed.  The sad thing is that we can no longer listen to a lot of music we used to love. They’ve become a byproduct of the “alarm clock blues”.  The sound of those first few chords have ruined the song to us forever.

Despite all that, the Lord has done something very clever with me.  I give Him credit, it was a risky move.

For the past many (many) months our alarm has been set to the song “Oceans”.  Every single morning that piano music starts playing in the dark stillness of our room.  Steve rarely hears it, but I’m a mom, which means I will never sleep soundly again – we’re trained to hear everything…

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail…

As a result, all day long this song sits in my soul.  I could be cutting vegetables or carrying laundry from one floor to the next and unintentionally start singing it out loud.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior…

My spirit, without the full permission of my mind, has been praying over and over to go deeper, to be braver, to trust in the Lord.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me…

Have you ever noticed how many worship songs written today are about waves and water?  It’s a word collectively and repeatedly spoken over our generation.  God is calling us to step out, to move from our comfort zone, and to go where we haven’t been before.

Make no mistake, it’s not a small request.  We will fail if we don’t learn to TRUST where He’s taking us.  Still, the trying and failing will never outweigh the fail of not moving at all.

I have a lot of fears about the year ahead and our impending move to the US.  My extended visit to Europe has done more than “grow me up”.  It’s shaped and cultivated parts of me I didn’t know existed prior to Germany.  It took a very long time (often through tears) for me to understand a culture so instinctually different to my own, but it’s changed my personality and I dare say I’m now more Deutsch than American.

But the gift’s been bigger than the culture.  This is also where my marriage found solid ground.  My kids were born near a quiet Bavarian lake here.  I discovered pieces of me I didn’t know existed through the likes of real life castles, private vineyard tours, autobahn driving, foreign languages, and the decision to step outside of myself over and over again.

As if that wasn’t enough, I believe this move also means a change for my personal ministry.  I think more will be required very soon.  A friend once penned a letter to me that explained it well:  “In Germany I was a big flower in a small pot, but in America I feel like a tiny bloom in a big garden.“

Personally, I want the challenge of my territory being enlarged without the risk of feeling insignificant while I find my new position and then grow into it.

That’s why my alarm clock is my unlikely strength right now.  Because 13 years ago I walked with shaky knees across some choppy waters – all the way to Europe.  But, against all my expectations, those scary steps created change in me that I hadn’t known to ask for.   I desperately needed the very thing I was sure would overwhelm me. And now I live in a newly expanded comfort zone, but, as nice as this place has become, it’s not where my spirit longs to stay.  It sings for me…

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

We like being safe.  We shut off the alarm, draw the blinds, pour a coffee, dawn a blanket and watch HGTV.  A coping mechanism to avoid uncharted territory.  But this guilty pleasure often serves only to plant our feet deeper in the mire…  while what we’re longing to do is walk on water.

This year, I’m stepping out.  I guarantee it won’t look anything like I think it will.  I won’t end up where I’m preparing to be.  It will make me cry some days (and that’s OK).  I’ll even be scared at times.  Oh, and I’ll screw-up.  But the moment my focus returns – shifting from my inabilities to the Father’s eyes – His sovereign hand well be my guide.

AND. I. WILL. TRUST.

Our faith is nothing if not tried and true.  It’s our time.

“LORD, IF IT’S YOU… TELL ME TO COME TO YOU ON THE WATER.”  Matt. 14:28

I’m Ready.

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

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