53 Days.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

 

As a little girl, my favorite times were at the beach.  When we could afford to do it, our family would head for one whole week to Ocean City, MD.  My sister and I couldn’t sleep for a month from excitement.  Then, packing into our air-condition-less hatchback, I’d sing Amy Grant songs on a cassette-tape-rewind through hot traffic the entire way.

In the evenings, we’d proudly stroll our sunburnt bodies down the boardwalk past the salt water taffy, hermit crabs in plastic houses, old-time photo shoots, and an amusement park (that gave all of us the creeps).  It was the best way to spend sunset in the warm humid air.

7 of 365 days were what I lived for – we all did.  And then… something unbelievable happened.

My father, a pastor, had been spending a lot of time with a young man who needed a shoulder.  When his parents learned about it, they felt led to offer our family a week at their oceanfront condo on Hilton Head Island, SC.  (No stinking way)  Our jaws dropped when we crossed that long bridge and arrived in what we affectionately came to call “Yuppieville”.

Clearly, we had a song as well:

Yup-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Yup-A-Dee-A
My oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
Yup-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Yup-A-Dee-A!

People, We Had ARRIVED.  This was, obviously, where the richest families of the world gathered.

Trees with fairy moss, bicycle paths, malls with “fancy” stores, restaurants we couldn’t afford, and a condo that was Martha Stewart approved.

The following summer, they offered their home to us again… and then the next.  And when they upgraded to an even bigger, more incredible condo, they still let us come (!).  One summer, they started gifting us TWO WHOLE WEEKS (do you know how tan you can get in two weeks?).  Now, more than 20 years later, my parents are still making treasured memories while living the posh life in our friends’ gorgeous new Florida waterfront home.

On the day I grew up and left Hilton Head summers behind me, I couldn’t imagine life without them.  If God had asked my opinion, I would have written those summers into the contract forever.  Instead, I moved 3,000 miles away (kicking and screaming at the injustice of it all).

But I didn’t know…

As I now write, my new favorite worship song is on repeat, while the computer on my lap is nearly overheating in the Spanish sun.  My tiny boys are doing repeated cannon balls into the pool and dear girlfriends are exploring the nearby countryside.  The whites of my eyes have finally released their blood shot lines after 18 of the most jam packed roller coaster months of my life.  And my body is in near full recovery from the loss of our 3rd child just seven weeks ago.

53 days.

If you would have told my 15 year old sunburnt self that I’d spend 53 days on the Mediterranean in Spain, well, I would have asked you where Spain is located.  I certainly didn’t see this coming.  But, as I sit seemingly frozen in this moment, I’m thinking long and hard about how God cares for us.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

I know this verse, even non Christians know this verse.  (it has a – bad – song or two also)  But, “trust without understanding”?  God doesn’t expect us to actually do that.  Seriously.

If I boiled my life down to beaches, here’s the lesson I’m learning:

I loved those overcrowded beaches on the murky green waters of Ocean City, MD, but God had something much more in store.  Then, I adored the posh life we slipped into on Hilton Head Island, and I couldn’t imagine a better place existed on earth.  But, as it turns out, the world is bigger than I thought.  Today, Spain is our beach, and, as we prepare to move those 3,000 miles away once again, my heart doesn’t want to let it go.

But God’s got an idea…

If it were my idea, well, I’d still be in in Ocean City with maybe a better condo than before.

We give up on “upgrades” easily because, the truth is, life doesn’t go seamlessly from one “beach” to the next.

Not. At. All.

There are seasons nestled wide on the in-between.  So we do a lot of resisting while God is trying to take us to the next level… wanting two uninterrupted summers in a row.  Frankly, advancement in the kingdom can sometimes feel an awful lot like rock bottom in the real world.  Seasons we’d swear that we’ve been fully abandoned by our Father.  Curve balls leave us crippled and we’d prefer to get back to the very life we’d been begging to be rid off not too long before.  But what’s the prescription for the painful days?

TRUST WITH ALL OUR HEARTS.  ALL.  No matter.  No excuse.  Just… Trust.

How are you doing in that department?  You trusting Him with today?  How about with tomorrow?  Or when that next bill comes due?  Or when you’re asked to do something that feels so completely beyond you?  Or how about when the answer doesn’t come back the way you’d hoped?  When you feel He’s not in the trenches with you anymore?  Can you trust Him?  ALL of you, trusting in ALL of Him?

I’m not very good at trusting, mainly because I freakishly like to be in control.  But my personality is not an excuse.  God very clearly says “Trust in me when you don’t understand what in the world I’m doing with you.”

Given this truth, I think it’s high time I penned a note to my Father:

Thank you for choosing to walk with me through so many seasons in which I would have stayed planted when I absolutely needed to go.  And those times I tantrum-fought you, desiring to quit on the seasons you needed me to fight straight through.  And especially for those seasons I wanted to run away from, terrified of something new.  

You have REALLY GREAT IDEAS, Lord.  It’s genius what you’ve done with a sunburnt karaoke Amy Grant wannabe.  So I’m in.  Not that you needed to, but you’ve proven yourself over and over again.  I think I’ll lay down for a while and let you carry me through until we find that next beach.

But is there any chance you can arrange for some fresh salt water taffy on the way?  It’s been a while…

Your perfectly broken
& deeply loving daughter,

Heather